Playing Opossum Isn’t As Fun When You’re Really Dead

You hate opossums. You hate them bad. They eat your cat food. They fight your dog. They probably kill your chickens. They knock over your trash cans. They scare the bejesus out of you when they are in your bathtub at 3 in the morning with a bottle of jagermeister, a bag of meth and [...]

No Point What So Ever.

I am a firm believer in the fact that I am not cool enough to have an octopus tattoo. Have you seen those things? They are ALWAYS kick ass. ALWAYS. But am I cool enough for a Cthulhu tattoo? Well am I? Look at me… I don’t even have Pigasus yet and I’m wondering how [...]

I Never Read It, So I Don’t Actually Know Why The Caged Bird Sings

Ahhh Mother’s day… I would really like to celebrate it this year by doing something relaxing like… napping ON TOP of my blankets (it makes a difference… you know it does) or taking a nice, long, lavender bath, or maybe giving myself a nice little pedicure. “But Arwen…” you’re saying. “You’re… um… you’re not a [...]

That Actually Happened…

I know I keep telling you that I’m not that concerned with turning 30 and really I’m not. To me, it’s just another birthday. Just another year closer to dying alone and loveless is all, so why celebrate? Why get all wigged about something that everybody deals with? No reason. That’s why. So…. I did [...]

Inspirational Birthday Matters Involving Guacamole Frosting, Drop Top, and A Garden Gnome Riding a Ladybug With No Head.

I have a very fancy friend. She is full of life like I have never known before. She unabashedly loves pink. She wears short pants. She gets excited about EVERYTHING. She laughs in a way that makes your face want to explode. She loves her Chicken Potpie Cat and finds no shame in admitting that [...]

TANEOE: Failed Mnemonic Devices and Their Subsequent Uses In Awesome Social Situations

As I have mentioned previously/ back in the day*/ constantly IRL, “There Are No Ewoks On Endor”. I know in my heart that this is a true statement. I also know that I made it up to stand for SOMETHING, but what I can’t remember. Part of me thinks that it was for my Geology [...]

Arwen Gordon: Architect of Time

…it seems that I got this wild hair up my ass that I might kind of think about maybe possibly blogging to my full capacity again if I got around to it. Maybe. It was like that until just about 10 minutes ago when I realized that it was just another one of those Empty [...]

I Can Feel It Peeing In The Streets Tonight…

On my way home tonight, I rocked a little too hard to “In The Air Tonight”… I felt a bit like Mike Tyson with all the punch dancing I did… I’m not ashamed to tell you that I ALWAYS air drum the best part. Always. I was ridin high on that air drumming when I [...]

Ghost Cat? Is That You?

So….. yeah. Paper…. I think she may be a ghost cat. I mean… I’m just sayin…. I was abruptly woken up early this morning (roughly an hour after I actually layed down to sleep) by Paper and Akira yelling at each other. And let me tell you…. Paper has a bark on her. They weren’t [...]